fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
