if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize