yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
