I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
