Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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