oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
