Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
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I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
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I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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