i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
