playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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