I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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