I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
