6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Randomize
