Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
