I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
