I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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