Where did you get a picture of my penis
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i wish my penis had a tongue
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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