My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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