i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
whose parrot is this?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
