Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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