Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
