Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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