Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Actions speak louder than pants.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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