My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
