This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
