Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
In other news, I just burned my penis
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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