Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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