I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
