Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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