how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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