So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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