where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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