TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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