I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
