Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
