im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
