she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
