I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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