Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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