I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
How does one acquire holy water?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
