I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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