I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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