Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
