I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
