Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
