Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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