Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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