So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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