I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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