; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
