I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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