Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
