he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i now understand why vodka
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
