I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
