dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Come see our sink grown plant.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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