I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Life is so much better after having sex.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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