Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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