you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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