I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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