was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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