I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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