Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
