there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
