i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
