I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
