So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
