I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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