Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
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