Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
