I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
