Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
