you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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