I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
That accounts for only three of the penises
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
