dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
