Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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