I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You took a bar mat shot.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
