What a fucking waste of an outfit
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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