please come you make the beer taste better
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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