i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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