i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
