I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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