i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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